1. |
Theme from Good Grief
02:44
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So why don’t you go out tonight?
You’ve been in for too long again
You’ll never find out who you are if you don’t
And you never had a good time
Hanging out with the party kids
But you never had a good time on your own
So why don’t you talk to your friends
When you’re down on the floor again?
They couldn’t expect you to deal by yourself
The trauma you carry, you find
You can’t run very far with it
And they don’t sell comfortable shoes down in hell
And what we’ve learned from this is
It’s impossible to predict the ways they’ll hurt you
So what do you do when words desert you?
Where do you go and who do you turn to?
What do you bury? And what do you burn?
And what do you keep? And what do you earn?
And how do you sleep? And what have you learned, too?
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2. |
Painted Lands
05:10
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The story’s been getting old— I’m sorry
I wrote this a year ago; I burned all the copies
And so it goes; that’s how the dice are rolled
Red flags hidden beneath the folds
These trembling hands are cold and clammy
But mirroring half a smile, uncanny, uncanny
And so it goes; that’s how the dice are rolled
Red flags hidden beneath the folds
Painted fingers tapping on cherry
Painted lids blink in morse
I see the western rain in your eyes
I see those late night lilac skies
Dots and dashes mark where it’s buried
Let’s go digging tonight
I see the starlight spill through the blinds
I hear the canyon call in the night
Canary flew the coop— bad timing
If Mary still loves you, keep climbing, keep climbing
And so it goes, that’s how the dice are rolled
Red flags hidden beneath the folds
Painted fingers tapping on cherry
Painted lids blink in time
I saw the western rain in your eyes
I saw those late night lilac skies
Where are all the things that I buried?
Can I say that I tried
Reading the words and tracing the lines
Painting the lands that you described?
You lived in the mountains
It treated you well, if not for the cold air
And we know there are places
Where it doesn’t snow, but we wouldn’t want to live there
And when your closet is all out of space
Let your hair grow to cover your face
Hide your heart in the gold in your ear
I can hear, I can hear, I can hear
All the memories that we replaced
All the sentences I chose to waste
I said I’d have stories for you in a year
Now we’re here, now we’re here, now we’re here
Painted fingers tapping on cherry
Painted lids blink in time
I saw the western rain in your eyes
I saw those late night lilac skies
Where are all the things that we buried?
Can we say that we tried
Reading the words and tracing the lines
Painting the lands that you described?
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3. |
Hell Is a Basement
04:05
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I had a dream that everyone who’d ever seen me naked
Was out in the crowd, milling around, looking impatient
I couldn’t think, I couldn’t talk, I wanted to get wasted
But I couldn’t drink enough to do the job on these SSRIs
It felt like a knife
So you know I’m going off the rails tonight
Fears are what we see in dreams
I don’t know how to surf the scene
I don’t know nothing
Full of nerves and wondering
If these skeletons with septum rings
Have caught me bluffing
Most of the time I look at people and I just see humans
But I freak out a bit depending on how crowded the room is
(And I realize we all have skeletons inside of us)
Hell is a basement full of halloween costumes that go on for miles
Wrapped up in skin and ironic slogan t-shirts and lopsided smiles
And mostly all white
So you know I’m going off the rails tonight
Fears are what we see in dreams
I don’t know how to surf the scene
I don’t know nothing
Full of nerves and wondering
If these skeletons with septum rings
Have caught me bluffing
Bodies adjacent
Sweating and vacant
Dull and complacent
Hell is a basement
So come on, get naked
And why not get wasted?
Drink up and face it
Hell is a basement
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4. |
Resentment
05:13
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We went out drinking in some suburban crowded place
I said “I’m feeling real good tonight; it’s time to make some mistakes”
The only words I’m confident in, I live to regret
And they say true love is dead, but I haven’t finished killing it yet
It might be my fault
For not knowing how to talk to you
Without advice from my friends
But I wanna come back to this
I don’t wanna fade into resentment
The back of the mind is not a nourishing place to live
Ran into you on my way out the door, we both hadn’t slept
A mile a minute we thought through the options for moves we had left
But I never figured it out, just spent a while living in doubt
But maybe I’m better off without any peace of mind
It might be my fault
For not knowing how to look at you
Without this sinking feeling
That I locked my keys in a house on fire
But I wanna come back to this
I don’t wanna fade into resentment
The back of the mind is not a nourishing place to live
And something happened but we fractured it
And I don’t know how to prevent it
The rest of the time in the world’s not a generous gift to give
I’m feeling like a balloon untied deflating in space
In other words, I’m feeling real bad tonight, it’s time to make some mistakes
It might be my fault
For not wanting to remember you
Cause all I see when I see your eyes
Is the barrel of a gun
And it might be my fault
For not knowing how to talk to you
Without advice from
Vodka, whisky, and several shots of rum
But I wanna come back to this
I don’t wanna fade into resentment
The back of the mind is not a nourishing place to live
And something happened but we fractured it
And I don’t know how to prevent it
The rest of the time in the world’s not a generous gift to give
And I just wanna live
I just wanna live
I just wanna live
I just wanna live
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5. |
Houston
07:15
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When I was younger, I thought the moon was
Falling down at the end of the night
But when I grew up, I learned the truth was
The universe just swings away from you sometimes
I toss and turn and I can’t fall asleep
With someone else in the bed next to me
Are we still us when our minds are asleep
Or just the faces and the bodies we’ve worked so hard to keep?
I’ve never known
I’ve never known
(Ground control to major fuckup)
I’ve never known
I’ve never known
(Ground control to major fuckup)
Cosmic Johnny’s in over their head again
Some Friday night between the cans and packs of medicine
They find somebody they can fall asleep with,
Who makes them feel like they’re alive at the right time
But after half a hangover the magic slips
And I wake up inside of my own private Berenstain Rift
And there’s just a spot of drool where the heart used to be
Slipped out the pocket of my cheek and once again I can’t fall asleep
I should’ve known
I should’ve known
(Ground control to major fuckup)
I should’ve known
I should’ve known
(Ground control to major fuckup)
We’re all alone in outer space
They won’t remember all the messes we’ve made
We’ll disappear without a trace
We’re all alone in outer space
They won’t remember all the messes we’ve made
We’ll disappear without a trace
There’s something happening to my heart
I feel it kicking around, I feel it picking me apart
And once I’ve given all I can to productivity
What do I do with all the shit that’s still inside of me?
Do you read me, Houston? No, there’s no problem
I just wanted to talk. How are the kids down on the ground?
I put my space cadet helmet on and wonder
When the universe is finally gonna swing me back around
We’re all alone in outer space
They won’t remember all the messes we’ve made
We’ll disappear without a trace
But I’m in over my head again
We’re all alone in outer space
They won’t remember all the messes we’ve made
We’ll disappear without a trace
Yeah, but I’m in over my head again
We’re all alone in outer space
We’re all alone in outer space
We’re all alone
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6. |
Hotel
04:14
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I grow from the ivy
Shadow tall on the wall I am climbing
But I will not go
But I will not go
Long hands like my mother’s
Barefaced in the California sun
So far below
So far below
The footsteps I follow are lacking in fables
Got a one track mind but the trains are disabled
And I have a dream reoccurring
Far from home and the hotel is burning
And I’ve got to know
And I’ve got to know
What life I rejected
My father said that I would go to hell
But is it fire or snow?
But is it fire or snow?
The footsteps I follow are lacking in fables
Got a one track mind but the trains are disabled
And I don’t recognize me lately
And I don’t feel at home in anything
And I’m scared I’ll go far away to a place that I can’t come back from
I’ve been looking for a place to lay my head down at night
Cause I can’t live in hotels all my life
So where can I go?
Where can I go?
Stitches torn on my lining
And in the dark, in your bed, I am crying
But I will not show
But I will not show
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7. |
||||
I don’t understand why anybody makes their bed
Wasting effort on a mess that’ll be a mess again
And they say that I should talk to somebody more qualified than you
But if I charge you all a buck, then I think this’ll do
And I’d like to believe
There’s something better waiting there at the end for me
It’s been a little while now since I’ve had a decent haircut
And when I see me in the mirror I’m not sure what to think
And they say around the world some seven people are your clone
Well do they take care of their skin? Do people tell them “I love you?”
Or do they just stay home and drink?
And I worry aloud
That everybody’s got it figured out somehow
And why shouldn’t they?
We’re all adults here
But how can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard
To get out of bed and never starve?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard
To get out of bed and never starve?
How can it be so hard?
And when I woke up yesterday to little hairs on my pillow
I wiped the blood off of my nose and I went out and did the laundry
And I haven’t been to church since my parents used to take me
But I saw Jesus in the coin-op, crying in his coffee
And I saw something new
In the little things I forced myself to do
But how can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard
To get out of bed and never starve?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard
To get out of bed and never starve?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard
To get out of bed and never starve?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard?
How can it be so hard
To get out of bed and never starve?
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8. |
Bury
04:53
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My chest is humming, someone else’s heart
It’s a heavy weight to carry
And my system’s running full on too much blood
I burn what I can’t bury
Couldn’t you have told it to my face?
I’m alone outside my body
While you’re with somebody else some other place
You tell me that you’re sorry
And in that tone of voice you sound like her
And 2013 comes swinging back at me and hits me where it hurts
I took a chance one night and went out drinking
In some suburban crowded place
With all these white boys singing songs about revenge
And you were looking at me funny
With a fishing line for one word answers
So you could frame them in a book
And give them names and dates and numbers
Give them names and dates and numbers
You put your arms around me slowly
And I did not say no
No one’s asking me for much, but I’ve got nothing
No one’s asking me for much, but I’ve got nothing
And I’m okay
I’m okay
I’m okay enough to take my hands away
I’m sitting criss-cross on the bathroom floor
I don’t know where I’m going
But a hospital is better than a morgue
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9. |
Useless Machine
05:17
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I messed it up
I did my best but sometimes that’s not quite enough
Siena says it’s not my fault, but I don’t know
I moved too fast and when it came time I could not let go
And I try to explain but I can’t spell the words right
It’s a useless machine, it’s a black car with no headlights
And I try and try to fall asleep
Cause things feel fine inside my dreams most of the time
I can’t tell the difference
And what a waste
A hundred days and change, I threw it all away
With all the progress that I made, I messed it up
And when the bed is empty, why do I wake up
If I just think about the different ways to die?
And I try to explain but I can’t spell the words right
It’s a useless machine, it’s a black car with no headlights
And I try and try to fall asleep
Cause things feel fine inside my dreams most of the time
I can’t tell the difference
My head’s got a feeling, but what does it mean?
I stay in the water, I never feel clean
If I can’t find meaning then why should I dream?
Oh, who would design such a useless machine?
My body is broken, I can’t even eat
When the going got tough, you decided to leave
So why keep on going if I can’t succeed?
Oh, who would design such a useless machine?
But enough’s enough
Because there’s no one else to pick the pieces up
And I’ve got nowhere else to fall
Because I’m spending too much time asleep
Cause things feel safe inside my dreams
But there must be a difference between the ceiling and the sky
And I try to explain but I can’t spell the words right
It’s a useless machine, it’s a black car with no headlights
And I try and try to fall asleep, but I can’t outrun anything
Or anyone till I run out of life
And that’s the only way to die
And that’s the only way to die
And that’s the only way
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10. |
Be Without You
04:27
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You said your town felt like a prison block
A sea of concrete to the south
You said you had to find a life that left
A better taste inside your mouth
You kept a place for me
When we were young and terrible
So when you cry, I will try to make it better
It takes a while to speak somebody’s language
And when we feel all the things we haven’t felt yet
It won’t be anything that we can’t manage
Where would I be without you?
Where would I be without you?
In New York City where you used to live
Kissing boys who sang the blues
We spent a long time on the back burner
And we were always quick to bruise
But you made space for me
When my love was unbearable
So when you cry, I will try to make it better
It takes a while to speak somebody’s language
And when we feel all the things we haven’t felt yet
It won’t be anything that we can’t manage
Where would I be without you?
Where would I be without you?
And in the summer when I checked into the hospital
The brown pants were too short for my long legs
The buttons snaps that didn’t close
We need the help we cannot get
But you were there the day I left
And you made sure that I would eat something
I ate something
We looked at dogs in sunny weather
So when you cry, I will try to make it better
It takes a while to speak somebody’s language
And when we feel all the things we haven’t felt yet
It won’t be anything that we can’t manage
Where would I be without you?
Where would I be without you?
Where would I be without you?
Where would I be without you?
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11. |
This Year
01:51
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Why don’t you come home for the night?
You’ve been living too hard again
Kick your shoes off and replay the day in your head
January found a new wrench to throw at you
And you can’t dodge every disaster
You get lipstick on your teeth
You get calluses on all your fingers
And you say
It’s nothing like what I thought it would be
And I’m still under the water
This life has gotten the better of me
This year I’ll have to be stronger
It’s nothing like what I thought it would be
And I’m still under the water
This life has gotten the better of me
This year I’ll have to be stronger
Why don’t you come home for the night?
You’ve been living too hard again
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12. |
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Oh honey, what did you think you knew?
Last year you thought you couldn’t do
The things you needed to get by
This year you still can’t swing it
And every time you wake up
Thinking this could be the day
Well something, something just
And when your love is an anxiety attack
Don’t settle for that, don’t settle for that
And when you wake and find the claw marks in your back
Sleep with a baseball bat, sleep with a baseball bat
Siena says you’re getting used
But something’s broken in your head
And you can’t run away when you need to
Hey, space cadet
Are you still floating round the rock
That you spent so much of your life trying to get away from?
And does it at least look different from up there?
And when your love is an anxiety attack
Don’t settle for that, don’t settle for that
And when you wake and find the claw marks in your back
Sleep with a baseball bat, sleep with a baseball bat
It might take a couple tries till you believe it
But love is real, you’ll figure it out, you’ll live to see it
But you still have to take a couple of falls
And you can’t make an omelet without breaking your balls
So batter up
Is your bed made?
Is your helmet on?
And when your love is an anxiety attack
When you’re covered in their footprints and the skid marks from the mat
When you’re writing every song as if it’s gonna be your last
Sleep with a baseball bat, sleep with a baseball bat
And when your love is an anxiety attack
Don’t settle for that, don’t settle for that
And when you wake and find the claw marks in your back
Sleep with a baseball bat, sleep with a baseball bat
Sleep with a baseball bat, sleep with a baseball bat
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Cosmic Johnny Boston, Massachusetts
3am existential rock for the kids who vaguely know what spacex is but couldn't, like, Describe it to you.
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